I’m so looking forward to tomorrow, when I will turn twenty-two. Wow. That number sounds so grown up to me, like I’m a proper adult. Yet, that’s not how I am at all! There’s a lot still to be figured out in this life of mine and I can’t wait.
It’s been a while since I’ve looked forward to my birthday so much. The only reason I can think of, and what I have been repetitively saying to my friends recently, is that I feel like I have been 21 for about 5,000 years. Honestly, I don’t know if anyone’s ever asked my age and I’ve not said 21 – haha! Of course I know that’s not true, but it really does feel like the past year has lasted a long time. Possibly because it’s been my most eventful. Full of really happy, but also really sad memories. I’ve had an ‘everything at once’ kind of year.
Looking back on the post I made here when I turned 21, I realise I was very brief about my feelings. I spoke a lot about not feeling any different although hitting 21 is seen as a milestone and how much I wished for change. Behind the scenes I was in fact anticipating a change I knew was going to come this year, so a lot of the cryptic blogging was actually pertaining towards that moment, which eventually occurred in July 2018. It’s the reason I’ve been so silent this year. I realise I’m still being cryptic about it, maybe if you all really would like to know I could write a post or make a video about it, but to summarise I went through heartbreak.
While that might sound really dramatic to some of you, it was a very lengthy breaking up, that I really didn’t want at the time although it was always going to be the best thing. I only write it down now as a way of simultaneously placing it in the past and taking a step into the future. Also to kind of address how my headspace has been, because I have an overwhelming feeling that my blog posts this year have turned out really moany and negative for feeling so rotten inside. Of course I know the importance of blogging for me, but to be honest, I’m here for you too and I worry about offloading all my problems onto you!
On that note I can’t completely write my 21st year off as a bad one. Friendship has truly been a blessing and has come so strongly for me. I’ve made some of the best memories just hanging with my closest ones. I’ve managed to catch up with distant ones, which has been a real eye opener at times. Above all I still can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone to turn to when I feel alone. This post is littered with pictures from my highest moments.
Nevertheless, I’m looking forward to waking up as an independent, happy, energetic individual. If I have to hope anything for twenty-two, it’s that my motivation for life continues as it has been the last few weeks. And that this little space of mine becomes just a little bigger. I’m feeling good about it. In fact, let me just state on record that my last act of 21 has been finishing the story I have been working on for so long. Sure it needs editing, but it’s finally got a beginning, a middle and an end. And that’s a step in the right direction.