For a while I thought I was becoming someone with too much to say. I’ve always been quiet. A lot of people have called me shy, but I prefer quiet because it’s not often out of nerves that I don’t speak. It’s choice. Over the last few months I’ve been saying a lot and wondering how to reign back my tongue again.
I say this now because coming to write this chapter I realise I don’t have much to say for April, and at the same time that’s kind of been the theme. Perhaps the entirety of this month can be summed up in the four day weekend most of us enjoyed. It was the first weekend in a long time that I did nothing but write. Not many words for some, plenty by my standards. If I wasn’t writing, I was in the gym, refocusing my mind so I could write later.
There’s been a lack of self love in me that I didn’t realise was missing. No, I haven’t been without my huge esteem or confidence at all, which I think is why it was disguised. Something else though. A piece of advice I’ve ended up spooning to quite a few people of late and now it’s time to give it back to myself. Validation. ‘You can’t rely on others to make you feel validated’ I keep telling people, because that’s what’s on my mind recently.
Spending more down time has helped. The gym and the writing. It’s made me feel happier being on my own. I neither need a crowd to get lost in nor stand out in.
Also I got a haircut I’m very happy with. And that’s April.