Life is starting to feel very black and white. I know it’s up to me to start colouring it in. But I’m struggling to choose which colours to use.
This is what I had started to think, as I was becoming more settled into life in London. The initial feeling of ‘what the hell is happening’ was drifting; replaced with the security of routine. I reminded myself of what I wanted to achieve this year and crossed my heart that I would get back to working on it. February had been swept from underneath me like a rug. I was determined to take back some time to create.
Well, I guess I got what I wished for. When they first started to suggest isolation I was frustrated. All the plans I had were being cancelled, out of my control, and the thought of not seeing the people I had been looking forward to seeing was slightly shattering. Not to mention the events. Just as I thought I’d found a balance between living and creating. But slowly, with the help of some very supportive humans, I began to feel better about it. My two flat mates and I have had a lot of fun being enclosed together. Amidst starting our busy lives in London we hadn’t spent quality time together in a while and our four walls were soon filled with laughter and meals together. It was a lot of fun; we captured a lot on film for us to look back on. I’m very proud of our little family.
Another very kind soul sent me flowers in the post… actually, I think they were expecting it to be flowers, but what turned up was bulbs. The flowers you have to tend to and grow. I’m chuffed; I absolutely love growing plants. So far they’re going strong. It’s the first time a man has ever bought me flowers. I was blushing so much and couldn’t think of what to say. But I hope they know it meant a lot.
By the time we were officially in a lockdown, I was mentally quite prepared. Now there is nothing to do but write, I have entered a very deep zone of concentration. Reality is just happening around me. It feels wonderful. And when I emerge from this state I hope I can wave some papers with something to show from it. Would be an awful waste of a wish if I didn’t.