In my sadness I almost missed the arrival of autumn. Until I looked up to see the world was under a golden glow, the flames of the sun holding off winter’s clouds and the leaves beginning to fall in brown pirouettes. Only then the thought struck me that it’s my favourite time of the year. The slither on the sun dial when I recount the good and the bad, and the endless possibilities to come. One that has grounded me in the earth, in my life.
Autumn has always represented, in my mind, the season of change. I love change. Looking back over the winding roads. Looking up to the mountains with an unshakeable belief that I can climb them. For me, it’s a glorious time. Uplifting. Rejuvenating. On many occasions I would say that I am good at handling change. Would go as far to say that I welcome it. A lot of change is exciting, heart-racing, character-building. Such as the change from an idea to a story. Such as the change from adventure to experience. Autumn is the reminder that whatever happens, you can overcome it.
But what about the changes we don’t welcome? Sometimes we fall under the guise of permanence: our belief that we are always in control. Everything is permanent until we choose to change our hand. And it’s an illusion. A false pretence. The only constant we face in life is change, and sometimes it comes like a child who cheats at hide and seek, whether we are ready or not.
Every so often, life finds us, singles us out, and forces us into something new. While doing so, it reminds us that we are not permanent. Our hand is controlled by some greater dealer. We aren’t always permitted the safety of routine or the peace of control. Sometimes, we turn a corner and find unanticipated hurdles.
Once I remembered it was autumn, I remembered the lessons time has given me. I stopped reducing my year to the last few awful weeks. I remembered that there is a future, bright and shining, on the other side of the valley. Under the golden light I imagined it waiting for me. Everything I’m yet to discover, the life I have to look forward to. I uttered some teary words of thanks for everything I was blessed to witness, to feel, to hold while it existed. Then, I was ready to walk into the unknown.
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